"That Doesn't Make Any Sense"

I have learned something about myself.



At the time of my last posting, I was pretty much swearing off this 5k training. I had reached my limit, could go no further, was as discouraged as I have ever been in my life. But then a funny thing happened. I somehow got a second wind.



I realized that if I stopped the running at this point, after 4 painful (PAINFUL) months, 4 long (LONG) months of moving from running for 1 minute (which was hard) to 5 minutes (which was still hard), I would no longer be able to run for 5 minutes. Confused? I know. I'm an irrational person. As I tried to explain to a co-worker, "If I quit now I won't be able to do it anymore." His rational response? "That doesn't make any sense. If you hate doing something, stop doing it." But as I continued to (irrationally) explain, "Yeah, but then I won't be able to do it anymore."
He shook his head and walked away.



I set the treadmill to random hills. I set my max speed. The fastest I can walk is 3.8 mph, after that I have to run. So just for kicks and giggles I set the max speed to 4.4 and the "random" speeds had me run for 8 minutes. 8 minutes? Are you kidding? And the total run time for the session added up to 21 minutes. What??? Well, let me tell you, nothing encourages this old gal like a success, and that was a HUGE success.



I continued on like that for a while, even beating my 8 minutes with an 8.5 minute run on another "random" day. This gave me the courage to get back to the C25k training. So I bravely picked up where I had left off: the Dreaded Week 5.



It wasn't the beginning of Week 5 that I dreaded so much - (3 5 minute runs divided with 2 3 minute walks, then 2 8 minute runs with a 5 minute walk) - it was the last day of Week 5, which I did today: a 20 minute run, no walking. YIKES!!! I have been really dreading this since I saw it was part of the training. I can NEVER do that, I thought. NEVER.



Well, since Week 5 Days 1 and 2 turned out to be too easy (how is that possible?) I took on Week 5 Day 3 today. If nothing else, I have learned this about myself: If I tell myself, "Well, let's just do the 8 minutes and see how it goes after that," I wll have enough energy to do 8 minutes and no more. So I went to the gym today knowing it was all or nothing. I had to do all 20 minutes or die trying.



I did the 20 minutes. I did it. I really, seriously did it.



I didn't die. I didn't even want to die. I wasn't breathless. I didn't need to call 911. I didn't collapse on the floor. My shins didn't scream out for relief. I didn't cry. I didn't throw out a hip. I didn't bleed out my eyes . . . or my ears. My hair didn't fall out. I didn't call for a wheelchair.



I stretched, and stepped off the treadmill. That was it.



Who have I become? How is it that I reached a place where the thought of not running is more painful than the actual running?



And I have signed up for the 5k.



It doesn't make any sense.