Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I'm Such a Scout Nerd

It is an amazing thing when something I do turns out better than expected.  It is a rare occurance, making it even more noteworthy.  So as one who has been sentenced to serving in scouts for a prolonged time, I will impart of my wisdom.

Go.  To.  Roundtable.

It turns out it really is that simple.  So I'll say it again.

Go.  To.  Roundtable.

I have a box of scout stuff.  Actually, I have multiple boxes, but we'll focus here on just the one.  Since my latest tour of duty began - almost 3 years ago - I finally got smart and created lesson plans.  The lesson plans are stapled to the inside of a folder and all the lesson materials are in said folder and filed in the Scout Stuff Box.  Then when I do go to Roundtable or other training meeting I can just insert any handouts into the already established folder.  So simple.  Why I didn't think of this during my other Tours, I don't know.  But lessons now in the 3rd year are blissfully simple.

Tonight was Citizen.  Luckily, recently at a Roundtable the Webelos instructor handed out a big-ole packed of Citizen materials.  And it was all new stuff to me.  Citizen Jeopardy anyone?  Totally fun.  The boys ate it up like candy.  And WAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y more fun than my previous lesson plan and accomplished all the same stuff.  Next week we have Citizen Pictionary and Citizen Beat the Clock. I'm totally excited.

Who needs a ride to Roundtable next week?  You know I'll be there!

Friday, February 22, 2013


For those who don't follow me on Facebook (and why wouldn't you?  I'm a delight!), here is a compilation of the Jackisms I've posted over the years.  I know it doesn't begin at #1, but that's only because it wasn't the first amusing thing he said so I started with a random number.
You have no idea how much I've been laughing just now reading over the list.
Jackism #25:  Me:  Jack, what do you want for Christmas?
Jack: Lots of assorted metals.
Jackism #26 Me: Why don't you like English muffins?
Jack McMazing Funk: They aren't muffins.
Me: I know, they are ENGLISH muffins.
Jack: Well then, English people suck.
Jackism #27
Addie: Why are they called shish kabobs?
Jack McMazing Funk: Because they were invited in Shishkabonia.
Jackism #28: I don't like musicals. They kill people and cause bad breath.
Jackism #29: I'll be a great driver. I'm really good at Mario Kart.
Jackism #30: Me: Hey, Jack. Do you know if the gym is open tomorow?
Jack McMazing Funk: No, I don't think so. Well, maybe. I'm not really sure. Possibly. Yeah, it is.
Jackism #31: These fries are too salty. It's drying out my organs. I think my liver is shriveled up like a raisin.
Jackism #32: I am prepared to be the leader of the Ginger Apocalypse.
Jackism #33: I am really sneaky. You have no idea how many cookies I can actually eat when you aren't looking.
Jackism #34: "I think I snapped my spine." - said after stuffing his 6' tall frame into one of those enclosed spiral slippery slides at a park.
Jackism #35: Jack McMazing Funk: Don't bite me.
Me: I'm not going to bite you. I don't know where you've been.
Jack: I think I taste like Tofu
Jackism #36: Jack McMazing Funk: Where are your plants? Did someone steal them?
Me: Yes. Someone broke in, stole nothing of value except my little plants, and only took them as far as the front yard.
Jack: They also messed up my room.
Jackism #37 (at a wedding reception after greeting the bride and groom and eating his treats): Well, I'm going home now. There's nothing left for me here, and now it's just awkward.
Jackism #38: Addie: What's the capital of Illinois?
Jack McMazing Funk: Chicago . . . No, Maryland.
Jackism #39: (while playing Jenga) "I'm just toying with you now because obviously you are going to lose."
Jackism #40: We need a firepole in front of the toilet so I can get to the kitchen faster.
Jackism #41: (I asked him to kill a big spider in my laundry room) That was a good kill! You should add that to my Epic Kill List. I really do have one.
Jackism #42: Sorry, I don't speak Foreign.
Jackism #43: Turtlenecks are for lonely people.
Jackism #44: Paper doesn't taste good. I don't know why people eat it.
Jackism #45: Me: Do we still have mashed potatoes for shepherds pie?
Jack McMazing Funk: No I ate them.
Me: All of them?
Jack: Yes. I had some Friday, some more Saturday, and the rest I ate this morning for breakfast.
Jackism #46: Me: How was Reality Town today? (an activity at the Jr. High)
Jack McMazing Funk: Fun. I had $2000 left over so I bought a walrus.
Jackism #47: (while watching the animated classic Santa Claus is Coming to Town) “Wow. Mrs Claus really let herself go."
Jackism #48: (defending his horribly messy room) The floor is part of my storage system.
Jackism #49: Me: Really? Is that what you meant to say to me?
Jack McMazing Funk: No, that's not what I meant. You're very pretty. And young.
And as to why he's called Jack McMazing Funk - I'm not sure of the entire story, but it is my understanding that the name was given to him by one of his youth leaders -  perhaps Dr. Doyle? - in a moment of jocularity.  He liked it so well, he has adopted it as a permanent name. 
Jack is our main source of entertainment around here.  I don't know what we'll do when he leaves home.  :(

Friday, February 8, 2013

I May Need a New Eye Doctor

I'm sick.

I got all cocky, reading on Facebook and hearing around church, etc., how everyone had been sick.  But I hadn't been sick.  No one in my house had been sick.  Good karma was with the Funk family and since I don't hear about sickness quite so much I thought we were in the clear.

But I'm sick.

Luckily, it isn't that horrible, nasty stomach virus that has been making the rounds.  No vomit here.  But my cockiness was overtaken little by little this afternoon at work as a little throat tickle morphed into a nasty cough.

The kind that makes your chest kinda hurt.

The kind that keeps you awake at night.  I hate that.

But as the evening wears on and the cough gets progressively worse, now I am getting that fuzzy head feeling.  You know, when everything is a little bit swirly and you aren't quite sure if you are awake or asleep.  And if you get up to walk, it is with slow and steady steps lest you trip over that little string on the floor in your clouded-head haze.

What?  No?   Just me?  Darn.  Don't tell anyone.

And I'm not even medicated.  Yet.

I was planning to do my taxes tonight.  That will have to wait.   I'm not altogether sure that I can read the numbers on my form.

And speaking of reading numbers, I was recently insulted by my eye doctor.  I went in for an annual exam, and he went about his routine ("which is better? 1?  or 2?) and then rolled back in his little optometrist stool and crossed his arms across his chest.

"You have dry eyes.  Mostly the left one.  You should use drops.  And maybe wear your contacts less."

"What?"  I was a little put out.  "Doctor, I've been wearing contacts since I was 14, and for long days and I've never, NEVER, had a problem with dry eyes.  What's up with that?!?"

Now this hurt:  "Mrs. Funk.  You are . . . um . . . well . . . you see . . . it's just that  . . . as the eyes age . . ."

Ouch.  Not cool Mr. Eye Doctor.

Followed by this:

"Are you using reading glasses yet?" asked my no-longer-beloved eye doctor.

"Are you kidding?  No!  Certainly not.  No."

Now this hurt even more.  "Well . . . uh . . . Mrs. Funk . . . well . . . you should."

Crap.  Double crap on a cracker.  I've been having so much fun making fun of my brother Calvin and friends Joe and Nanette that it never occurred to me I might need them someday too. 

And one more thing to add insult to injury:  When I told this little story to my friend Nanette, she laughed out loud for a full minute.  But just to get even for her hurting my feelings a little bit, know this - she is older than me.  Ha!