My Sucktastic Vacuum that Won't

I have worked very hard - so very, very hard - to earn my title as the Cheapest Person Alive.  Pursuit of said title sometimes leads me to make poor purchases. 

Case in Point:

Me:  Lane, it's simply too much effort to carry the vacuum downstairs.  We need to get a vacuum to just keep downstairs.

Lane:  Whatever.

Me:  Let's go get one right now.  (things like this must, of course, be done immediately)

Lane:   Whatever.


So we went to Walmart (where I never like to go if it can be avoided, but it's tough as the Cheapest Person Alive to avoid the big W for very long). 

Me:  Looky, Lane!  This vaccuum is pink and it only costs $30ish.

Lane:  Don't you think you might be happier if you spent a normal amount of money on a vacuum so we don't have to buy one again next month when this one dies?

Me:  But it's pink!

Lane:  Are you sure - really sure - that you want such a cheap vacuum?

Me:  Sure.  It's only for downstairs, it's make by Eureka, and it's pink.  It'll be fine.

Lane:  I really think you should get a better vacuum.

Me:  But it's pink!

Lane:  Whatever.


Guess what.  The pink vacuum is terrible.  We've had it for a while because I have refused to admit that Lane was right.  Instead,  I (and by "I," of course I mean Lane or Jack) have spent the better part of a year or so digging out the clogged hose or trying to clear the filter.   So tonight after attempting to vacuum:

Me:  I HATE this vacuum.  I'm throwing it out.  It's the worst vacuum in the history of vacuums.

I knew the "I told you so" was coming.

But being the good, well-trained husband that he is, he simply smiled at me and said fine.

So here's what I have learned:
1.  Spend more than $30 on a vacuum.
2.  Just because it's pink doesn't mean it's better.  It should, but it doesn't.
3.  I will never again buy a bagless vacuum. 
4.  I probably still won't listen to Lane's advice.
5.  I kinda like vacuuming.
6.  I'm pretty sure I need new carpet.
7.  I definitely need a new couch.
8.  The word "vacuum" is starting to look really weird.


So any sage vacuum advice is welcome, since it's still way too much work to bring the "upstairs" vacuum downstairs.  I am also working on earning a "Laziest Person Alive" title.