Farewell, Jake

He lived a good life. At least that's what I keep telling myself. He lived a good life.

We got Jake 12 years ago in May. He was a little black ball of fur, cuter than just about any puppy ever. We were homeowners, we needed a dog. Taylor was almost 3, I was expecting Jack. The little ball of fur grew quickly into a larger ball of fur and turned into a wonderful family dog. I remember when I had a job where I would type at night, I would let Jake in the house and he would just sit at my feet while I did my job. I'll never forget how he reacted when Lane took him to get fixed. He was so mad at Lane and wouldn't have anything to do with him for about 2 weeks. He was such a great family dog, and would let the kids maul him, climb on him, tug his ears and his stump of a tail with tremendous patience. And this dog was either to dumb, or too well behaved, to ever leave our non-fenced yard. We didn't keep him chained or kenneled - I guess he just didn't have anywhere else to go.

But of late he was getting up very slowly; his hips seemed to be arthritic. He had unexplained lumps under his skin. He could no longer hear. Sometimes he wouldn't get up at all when we were in the yard. He just stayed in the on the grass in the shade, or in the former flower bed where the dirt has, over the course of the years, become hollowed out in the shape of his body. We knew the end was coming, and had agreed that it would be cruel to make him go through another winter.

But yesterday evening the plan changed. We were in the backyard doing a little yard work, and I went to the front yard for the aforementioned herb trimming. As ususal, Jake followed me to the front yard, and then he just kept going. Jake never, NEVER, wanders off. He has been well-trained to stay close by, and he always has. He wandered down to the end of the driveway, and I called to him to come back, which of course he couldn't hear. I sent Addie after him, figuring he would see her and follow her back. He saw her, but kept walking away. I told Addie to go get Lane and I went after the dog myself. I wasn't wearing any shoes, and the dog had a pretty good lead on me. I finally caught up with him, and (foolishly) grabbed his collar from behind. This startled Jake, and he turned toward me, intending to bite. He didn't bite, but he startled me and I let go of his collar. I don't know how I would have dragged him back - I'm not strong enough. Lane came quickly and Jake had walked ahead again. Lane caught up to him, and he also statled him, causing Jake to show his teeth and growl at Lane. Lane, too, was quite shocked by this reaction, as well as the fact that Jake had wandered off in the first place. But Lane got Jake home, and safely in the backyard, and we realized that this was not a good omen.

I have frequently heard of dogs wandering off to die, and that's the first thing I thought of when Jake took off. We can't bear to tie him up after all these years of being free to roam, and we certainly can't have him wandering off again to bite someone or get hit by a car. We had to do the difficult thing. Knowing it has to be done someday, and knowing it has to be done NOW are two different things, and my heart was broken. Lane told me he would make the arrangements in the morning and he would get his friend to go with him, in case Lane couldn't do it alone.

I secretly hoped that Jake would die peacefully in the night, but I checked this morning and he was still alive. He was curled up in a ball, and didn't stir when I went outside, and so I had to look close. I went off to work with a sad heart.

Later in the morning I got a text telling me it was all taken care of, and then I broke down. I'm so glad to have a job where I don't have to talk to people, because it took me almost a half hour to pull myself together. The kids right now are doing ok, I'm not sure if they fully realize what happened. Taylor is at Trek and doesn't even know. I'm so sad. My head knows it was the right thing to do although my heart is aching.

He lived a good life.