I'm Such a Scout Nerd

It is an amazing thing when something I do turns out better than expected.  It is a rare occurance, making it even more noteworthy.  So as one who has been sentenced to serving in scouts for a prolonged time, I will impart of my wisdom.


Go.  To.  Roundtable.


It turns out it really is that simple.  So I'll say it again.


Go.  To.  Roundtable.


I have a box of scout stuff.  Actually, I have multiple boxes, but we'll focus here on just the one.  Since my latest tour of duty began - almost 3 years ago - I finally got smart and created lesson plans.  The lesson plans are stapled to the inside of a folder and all the lesson materials are in said folder and filed in the Scout Stuff Box.  Then when I do go to Roundtable or other training meeting I can just insert any handouts into the already established folder.  So simple.  Why I didn't think of this during my other Tours, I don't know.  But lessons now in the 3rd year are blissfully simple.


Tonight was Citizen.  Luckily, recently at a Roundtable the Webelos instructor handed out a big-ole packed of Citizen materials.  And it was all new stuff to me.  Citizen Jeopardy anyone?  Totally fun.  The boys ate it up like candy.  And WAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y more fun than my previous lesson plan and accomplished all the same stuff.  Next week we have Citizen Pictionary and Citizen Beat the Clock. I'm totally excited.


Who needs a ride to Roundtable next week?  You know I'll be there!

Jackisms

 

For those who don't follow me on Facebook (and why wouldn't you?  I'm a delight!), here is a compilation of the Jackisms I've posted over the years.  I know it doesn't begin at #1, but that's only because it wasn't the first amusing thing he said so I started with a random number.

 

 

You have no idea how much I've been laughing just now reading over the list.

 

 

 

Jackism #25:  Me:  Jack, what do you want for Christmas?

Jack: Lots of assorted metals.

 

 

Jackism #26 Me: Why don't you like English muffins?
Jack McMazing Funk: They aren't muffins.
Me: I know, they are ENGLISH muffins.
Jack: Well then, English people suck.

 

 

 

Jackism #27
Addie: Why are they called shish kabobs?
Jack McMazing Funk: Because they were invited in Shishkabonia.

 

 

Jackism #28: I don't like musicals. They kill people and cause bad breath.

 

 

 

Jackism #29: I'll be a great driver. I'm really good at Mario Kart.

 

 

Jackism #30: Me: Hey, Jack. Do you know if the gym is open tomorow?
Jack McMazing Funk: No, I don't think so. Well, maybe. I'm not really sure. Possibly. Yeah, it is.

 

 

Jackism #31: These fries are too salty. It's drying out my organs. I think my liver is shriveled up like a raisin.

 

 

Jackism #32: I am prepared to be the leader of the Ginger Apocalypse.

 

 

Jackism #33: I am really sneaky. You have no idea how many cookies I can actually eat when you aren't looking.

 

 

Jackism #34: "I think I snapped my spine." - said after stuffing his 6' tall frame into one of those enclosed spiral slippery slides at a park.

 

 

Jackism #35: Jack McMazing Funk: Don't bite me.
Me: I'm not going to bite you. I don't know where you've been.
Jack: I think I taste like Tofu

 

 

Jackism #36: Jack McMazing Funk: Where are your plants? Did someone steal them?
Me: Yes. Someone broke in, stole nothing of value except my little plants, and only took them as far as the front yard.
Jack: They also messed up my room.

 

 

Jackism #37 (at a wedding reception after greeting the bride and groom and eating his treats): Well, I'm going home now. There's nothing left for me here, and now it's just awkward.

 

 

Jackism #38: Addie: What's the capital of Illinois?
Jack McMazing Funk: Chicago . . . No, Maryland.

 

 

Jackism #39: (while playing Jenga) "I'm just toying with you now because obviously you are going to lose."

 

 

Jackism #40: We need a firepole in front of the toilet so I can get to the kitchen faster.

 

 

Jackism #41: (I asked him to kill a big spider in my laundry room) That was a good kill! You should add that to my Epic Kill List. I really do have one.

 

 

Jackism #42: Sorry, I don't speak Foreign.

 

 

Jackism #43: Turtlenecks are for lonely people.

 

 

Jackism #44: Paper doesn't taste good. I don't know why people eat it.

 

 

Jackism #45: Me: Do we still have mashed potatoes for shepherds pie?
Jack McMazing Funk: No I ate them.
Me: All of them?
Jack: Yes. I had some Friday, some more Saturday, and the rest I ate this morning for breakfast.

 

 

Jackism #46: Me: How was Reality Town today? (an activity at the Jr. High)
Jack McMazing Funk: Fun. I had $2000 left over so I bought a walrus.

 

 

Jackism #47: (while watching the animated classic Santa Claus is Coming to Town) “Wow. Mrs Claus really let herself go."

 

Jackism #48: (defending his horribly messy room) The floor is part of my storage system.

 

Jackism #49: Me: Really? Is that what you meant to say to me?
Jack McMazing Funk: No, that's not what I meant. You're very pretty. And young.

 

 

And as to why he's called Jack McMazing Funk - I'm not sure of the entire story, but it is my understanding that the name was given to him by one of his youth leaders -  perhaps Dr. Doyle? - in a moment of jocularity.  He liked it so well, he has adopted it as a permanent name. 

 

Jack is our main source of entertainment around here.  I don't know what we'll do when he leaves home.  :(

I May Need a New Eye Doctor

I'm sick.

I got all cocky, reading on Facebook and hearing around church, etc., how everyone had been sick.  But I hadn't been sick.  No one in my house had been sick.  Good karma was with the Funk family and since I don't hear about sickness quite so much I thought we were in the clear.

But I'm sick.

Luckily, it isn't that horrible, nasty stomach virus that has been making the rounds.  No vomit here.  But my cockiness was overtaken little by little this afternoon at work as a little throat tickle morphed into a nasty cough.

The kind that makes your chest kinda hurt.

The kind that keeps you awake at night.  I hate that.

But as the evening wears on and the cough gets progressively worse, now I am getting that fuzzy head feeling.  You know, when everything is a little bit swirly and you aren't quite sure if you are awake or asleep.  And if you get up to walk, it is with slow and steady steps lest you trip over that little string on the floor in your clouded-head haze.

What?  No?   Just me?  Darn.  Don't tell anyone.

And I'm not even medicated.  Yet.

I was planning to do my taxes tonight.  That will have to wait.   I'm not altogether sure that I can read the numbers on my form.

And speaking of reading numbers, I was recently insulted by my eye doctor.  I went in for an annual exam, and he went about his routine ("which is better? 1?  or 2?) and then rolled back in his little optometrist stool and crossed his arms across his chest.

"You have dry eyes.  Mostly the left one.  You should use drops.  And maybe wear your contacts less."

"What?"  I was a little put out.  "Doctor, I've been wearing contacts since I was 14, and for long days and I've never, NEVER, had a problem with dry eyes.  What's up with that?!?"

Now this hurt:  "Mrs. Funk.  You are . . . um . . . well . . . you see . . . it's just that  . . . as the eyes age . . ."

Ouch.  Not cool Mr. Eye Doctor.

Followed by this:

"Are you using reading glasses yet?" asked my no-longer-beloved eye doctor.

"Are you kidding?  No!  Certainly not.  No."

Now this hurt even more.  "Well . . . uh . . . Mrs. Funk . . . well . . . you should."

Crap.  Double crap on a cracker.  I've been having so much fun making fun of my brother Calvin and friends Joe and Nanette that it never occurred to me I might need them someday too. 

And one more thing to add insult to injury:  When I told this little story to my friend Nanette, she laughed out loud for a full minute.  But just to get even for her hurting my feelings a little bit, know this - she is older than me.  Ha!

You Have to be Crazy to be up that Early

 

 

Our backyard has been a playground for deer this winter.  Maybe because there isn't a dog back there to chase them off (sniff, sniff).   A couple of times we've stood at the kitchen window and just watched them.  This one was hanging out by the back fence for quite a long time while we had dinner the other night.  I guess if we can't have a dog, an occassional deer will do.

 

 

After I "lost" my entire blog last summer, I decided I really needed to get the whole darn thing printed off.  So I took a chance on a blog printer I found on the internet and uploaded my shortest year (2011) to try it out.  The book came today and overall I'm pleased, with a few exceptions:

 

1.  This is not the printers fault, but I wish that my blog post titles were in a different font than the main text.  I don't know how to change that, so please enlighten me if anyone knows.  It would just have made the book look less blah.  The titles were in a different color, which was a nice touch.

 

2.  I chose the "condensed" option to consolidate the posts onto as few pages as possible.  The problem with this is that the captions don't match up with the photos.  On the subsequent books I will choose the other option for keeping the original formatting, even though it will cost me more.  (Yikes!  Who said that?)

 

 

The printer I used is SharedBook.com, so if anyone has a blog printer they are happy with, please let me know that as well.  This is my first attempt at this, so I'm happy to learn from other's experiences.

 

 

My former walking partner, Laura, has shamed me into walking in the mornings again.  It's good to get up and moving around in the morning, and despite what I tell her, my days do go much better when I've excercised first thing.  It's just that I'm SO lazy . . .  and I lack motivation . . . and my bed is SO warm . . . and right now it is SO cold outside (hello - 0 degrees!).  But I'm glad she's dragging me along.  I'm not a morning person and the current style of my hair makes for extremely frightening morning hair (thank goodness for hats!).  I know I'm overall pretty darn scary in the morning so thanks to all the people - especially the people I know who are also at the gym at 5:30 am (including the much-maligned-in-this-blog Molly and Stephanie)  - for not screaming or throwing rotton tomatoes at me.  That would be quite coutner-productive to what little motivation I have.  So a big thanks to you, Laura, for having the courage to take me on at that unholy hour.  And bless you for having heated seats in your car.

 

What I did over my Christmas vacation

I worked a half day on December 21 and have been off work since then.  I have to go back tomorrow.  I had really grand plans of things I was going to accomplish while I was off work.  I wasn't just going to squander away the time with nothing-ness like I did last year.  No sitting around shoveling popcorn into my gaping open mouth.  No watching hours on hours of mindless TV.  In other words, I had a week and a half to totally change all my natural instincts.  Here is what I intended to do and what I actually accomplished:

1.  Catch up Quicken:  During my most recent computer crash I lost 6 months of data.  This is indeed a a tragedy due to both my knowledge that I really should back up my data, and yet didn't, as well as my  intense aversion to my balacing and reconciling my checkbook.   Please also consider that I have 3 checking accounts as well as multiple savings accounts.  Explaining why that is would expose you to far too much of my own personal can of crazy, so we won't visit that.  Even Lane has given up asking why.  Anyway, it was my sincere intention to restore, line by painful line, all that missing data.  I have successfully avoided it until the last evening of vacation.  RESULT:  2 checking accounts fully restored, the worst account (meaning, our main account) has 3 of the 6 months restored, both in checking and savings.  Of course, now December is outstanding as well.  Crap.


2.  Clean Sewing Room:  Done.  Christmas wreaks quite a lot of havoc on my sewing/craft/storage room.  It is now all clean - well, as long as you ignore the scrapbooking table.  And the top of my storage dresser.  And the corner where we keep the sleeping bags.  But lets be honest, I'm the one who has to clean it, and it is currently as clean as it is likely to get.


3.  Review and ACTUALLY do Pins:  Not only did I not do this, I pinned a whole bunch of new stuff.  I had promised myself  NO MORE PINS!!  until I tackled what I already had. If I have to look for a success, it is this:  I have successfully taken an already big mess and made it a bigger mess.  Good for me.


4.  Go to the gym daily:  I'm pretty sure we did this, at least on the days where it was possible.  I did a lot of walking, a little weight lifting, a little random hills on the treadmill, and ran twice - once for .75 mile and once for .95 mile.  I am determined to get my jogging back on track because Running with Angels 5k is coming up and I really want to do that again.


5.  Clean Closet:  Done.  Today.  See how I procrastinate?  I got rid of a few things, and organized a few things and found out I have way too many old tshirts and not nearly enough shoes.


6.  Scrapbooking:  Considering I am about 3 years behind, this was a tall order for a week and a half.  I did get our most currrent photos done, from October of this year until Christmas Eve. I do all of my scrapbooking (the stuff with photos anyway) digitally, so I can just print off 4 copies and have pages done for the family scrapbook and the kids books just like that.  It does make it super quick that way, but like I said, I'm 3 years behind and have all the report cards and art projects sitting scattered all over my scrapbook table (see #2 above).



So, it's true I didn't quite make my goals, but I did do a heckuva lot better than last year!  Sure, I did pretty much nothing at all last year, so the bar was set really low. I do reach my goals a whole lot better when the bar is so low.  I'm dumb like that.

Sobriety Stinks

One more of my Christmas projects for this year (and thanks again go to Pinterest).  I made 7 of these.

It has been our tradition since my kids have learned to play some sort of instrument that they play a musical number on Christmas Eve.  It used to be all piano, but thanks to Jack we have some variation now.  He played "The First Noel" on the trombone . . .

Addie played "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas" on the piano . . .

Taylor played "Believe" on the piano . . .

. . . and Jack completed this portion of the evening entertainment by playing several numbers on his bells.

It is also our tradition tht the gifts given between brother and sisters must be homemade.  This leads to some interesting gift exchanges, but they are fun, nonetheless.  Taylor made latchhook wall hangings (sorry, no photos turned out).  Jack made a duct tape purse for Addie . . .

 . . . and he made pens in wood shop for everyone else, complete with our names engraved in them.
  Addie made bookmarks for everyone with a special handwritten note about why she loves each person.  She did it entirely herself, including the wrapping, and without even a suggestion from me.  This is the first year I haven't had to help her in some way.

Of course, everyone got new jammies.  Bacon for Jack . . .

Bucks for Lane (everyone got a good chuckle from his jammies - including grandma.)

And purple thermal ones for me. - since I do have a tendency to be cold all the time.  I've tried to convince everyone that I'm the correct temperature and everyone else is freakisly hot, but so far no one will believe me.  Taylor's and Addie's both have monkeys on them.  Sadly, all the jammies this year were purchased.  I didn't see when I would have the time to make 5 pairs of jammies so I didn't even try.  I think it turned out to be a wise decision - looking back I don't know when I would have had the time.  It is something I really missed doing and I will simply have to plan better for next Christmas.


One other thing that I didn't really have time to do this Christmas was the Christmas cards, but I made them anyway.  I'm not very happy with them, and what's more is that I didn't even enjoy doing them.  Not even a little bit.  I've been making my Christmas cards for a lot of years now, and this was the first time that it was a chore.  It was rushed and unpleasant.  So on December 26 of this year I did the unthinkable:

I bought Christmas cards.


It's true.  I'm all set for next year.  Thanks to 75% off on Christmas stuff at Kohls, I got them for super cheap and they are even cute.


Of course, Lane has zero faith in me.  He's quite convinced that come next November I will give in to my "take-on-way-too-much" self and make the cards anyway.  I have to agree that there is at least a 50% chance that will happen.  I have problems.


For a little bit of self-braggery, I have made it (almost - there are still a few days to go) through the holidays without drinking.  I have gone all the way since November 12 without a Dr. Pepper or any sort of soda.  I don't recommend giving up the sauce during the holidays - there's way too much temptation around.  As I frequently say, the voices in my head stopped screaming after only about 3 days, but the craving has never subsided.  I would have thought it would lessen some after this amount of time, but it hasn't.  Taylor is still drinking, which makes it tough.  And every single time someone at my office pops a can open, I die a little bit inside.

 

 

 

There is no such thing as too much glitter

 

In a typical Holiday Season, I have a tendency to take on wa-a-a-a-ay to many projects.  I was smart this time and got my shopping done early and online and scheduled an almost-weekly Craft Night with Kassie to keep me on track.  My biggest project was 6 of the above Nativity sets (thanks Pinterest!).  Although they weren't hard to make, the prototype became quite an odyssey in itsself:

1.  I had Lane cut one set of wood to try it all out.  I spray painted the wood gold metallic.  I was trying to avoid using vinyl, so after much discussion my trusty friend and Christmas Project lifesaver, Melanie, she cut out stencils for me to paint the images onto the wood.  It seemed genius.  I got the hunter green paint to paint the stencils, and wouldn't you know, it bled underneath the stencil and looked terrible.  And now I had ruined 2 of my gold metallic wood pieces in the experiment.  What to do, what to do?  I decided to paint all that set of wood green because I wasn't all that thrilled with the gold anyway, and then I could salvage the messed up pieces rather than have Lane cut more.  So we got all the pieces re-painted with dark green and I called on Melanie again to cut me some vinyl.  Set #1 complete.

2.  The second set I wanted for myself.  I had used some black spray paint in the past that had glitter in it and I thought it would look positively gorgeous with the cream vinyl for the nativity.  So I got Jack and Lane to spray a second set of wood with the black glitter spray paint and it looked perfect!  Except for one problem.  One big problem.  The spray paint had too much texture, I guess, and the vinyl pieces wouldn't stick to the wood blocks.  You have no idea how bummed I was.  So Kassie suggested I try spray painting with the stencil - maybe the spray paint wouldn't bleed like on the first set.  So I got some silver spray paint and we tried it out - It didn't bleed so much as it created a weird little halo around the image that was just not pretty.  My only remaining option was to re-paint the black glitter blocks.  I still really liked the idea of the black, so we just got some black gloss paint and painted them again.  This time the vinyl stuck and I love how it turned out.  I asked Addie how she liked it, and she said it looked "quiet."  Well, now, isn't that how you imagine the Nativity?  I loved her word choice, although I would never have thought of it myself.


3.  The remaining 4 sets went off without incident.  I found a sage-green paint color at the hardware store in their "paint-gone-wrong" section that was just what I was looking for and worked well for Kassie, too, since she was making 2 sets of her own. I failed to photograph any in that color.

There is a tradition at Lane's family Christmas party that if Santa gives you a broken candy cane, it's because your year hasn't been,  shall we say, stellar?  Lane's is always broken, without exception.  At least since I've been in the family.  Addie's was broken this year because Santa knows what her room has looked like lately.

And Jack's was also broken. Same reason. Shocking.

 

Santa brought Addie a new pair of shoes.  With sequins.  Because when you're name is Addie and you're 10 years old - you simply cannot have enough things that are sequin-y. Or glittery. Or bedazzled.  And it can never, EVER, be too much.